everyone has said and done problematic things in their lifetime. that’s a result of the society we live in, not necessarily a reflection of their character.
what is a reflection of their character is how they react to being informed of the negativity within their behavior and statements, and whether or not they choose to change their behavior.
ironically, enforcing the idea that Youre Only Gay And Trans If You Cant Stop Thinking About It only further reinforces the idea that being cishet IS the default, IS the norm, that if you dont feel REALLY REALLY OVERWHELMINGLY not cishet you cant be queer or trans and its like, that way of thinking, that “exclusive club” mentality aint helpin nobody
society is VERY GOOD at making you feel like you arent queer or trans because a) it doesnt tell you about these identities in depth in the first place and b) it encourages you NOT to be gay or trans at all costs, so its no wonder so many people either bury any queer/trans feelings they might have (like I did) or just not even…realize these things about themselves because theres nothing for them to identify with since we are taught from pre-birth to be straight and cis
No one told me that trans or non-binary identities existed and I spent my entire life up until a couple of years ago just thinking that I was shit at being my assigned gender and that I just had to try harder even though it made me miserable.
I suffered with depression and developed severe anxiety over the course of 25 years because no one told me that trans or non-binary identities existed.
Society is a trash heap.
I really like the point that you can be this shit and not think about it all the time. I do think about transition often, but I have a lot of struggle identifying myself as trans because I don’t have the urge to hurt myself based on my current gender presentation, or because some days I’m okay with it. There’s the weird urge for me to step back and save some T for the people who really need it. As though that’s actually what’s happening it makes no fucking sense argh
Please keep spreading the message that there is no such thing as Trans Enough. Trans looks like a lot of different things. It is not being considerate if you are denying yourself help. There is nothing that says you can’t do these things just because you don’t do X or Y. Help yourself first.
yes yes yes, Ive seen a few people say this post made them feel better and I just wanted to add one more thing before I leave it
the idea that you have to constantly be thinking about how Gay You Are or How Trans You are totally…misses the fact that
nobody ever says cishet ppl have to constantly be thinking about how cis they are and how het they are, they just get to Be. Nobody ever says “unless you are constantly thinking about your gender as cis and your sexuality as het you arent a REAL cishet”.
Like if you start to think about it that way I think its a lot easier to get rid of the idea that you have to SO AGGRESSIVELY assert your queerness/transness ALL the time in order to count as “valid”
Sometimes I dont have the strength to be aggressively queer or trans, I just want to Be, like cishets get to just Be, why do I have to always prove Im struggling and suffering in order for my sexuality and gender identity to be taken seriously when cishet ppl dont have to do anything to prove themselves but are automatically considered valid.
is there a word for “i’m okay but it’s a fragile kind of okay so be gentle with me”?